Ellie’s tracks lassoed the dayroom as she dashed in from the rain. Her mother sat by the windowsill, tending to a handful of her house plants. She had a ceramic mug for watering, and a plastic spoon to dig out pests. There were hardly ever any, but she thought it was a nice precaution. Ellie pulled up a chair beside her, cradling her backpack. She fidgeted with the zippers, and swept her hair to the side.
“How are they?” She asked, her feet slowly swinging above the floor.
Her mother leaned back. “Well,” she sighed, rubbing her forehead. “They could be worse.” She pointed to a bluebonnet that was in the early stages of wilting. “I think Baby Blue’s on her last leg.” Ellie frowned- Baby Blue was her favorite. Her parents had gotten it as a gift after she was adopted. Her Dad named it after an old song he liked, but also after Ellie’s own vibrant eyes. She still missed him, especially when she was bored.
“The aloe is coming in, at least,” her mother added, pointing to the plant on the far right, which Ellie always thought looked like a mass of green tentacles emerging from a brown sea. “If you get burned, you can break off a bit and rub the oil on your skin.” Ellie nodded, making a mental note and placing it between schoolwork and cartoons. Turning her backpack over, she rhythmically tapped on the edges. She looked up, accidentally meeting her mother’s eyes.
“Everything okay, sweetie?” She set her mug down, and turned towards Ellie. Hefting the backpack upright, Ellie slowly unzipped it. A stone grew in her throat. Without saying anything, she removed a piece of paper and held it out. Her mother looked silently and, after a moment, took it. As her mother read, Ellie tried to focus on the rain’s tapping.
“Oh, Elizabeth,” her mother said. Her voice was just above a whisper.
“It wasn’t my fault-” Ellie blurted out. Tears began welling up, a few escaping down her cheeks. “He kept calling you a boy!”
Ellie’s mother buried her face in her palms, and the sheet drifted to the floor. Slowly, she brought her hands down to her thighs. “Sweetie,” she choked. “It’s not your job to protect me.”
“He also said Dad was a homo,” Ellie pleaded. “He was asking for it, Mom. He wanted a fight.”
“I’ve been dealing with people like that all my life,” her mother said shakily, swallowing a sob. “I need you to go to your room. I need to think.”
Ellie did so. As she walked away, she heard her mother begin to cry.
When Ellie woke up it was half past six, and her cheeks were streaked with tears. There was a tap at the door, then it cracked open.
“Can I come in?” Her mother asked. “I brought dinner.”
Ellie didn’t say anything. The door opened further. In one hand, her mother held a plate of food. In the other, she had a chair from the dining room. She placed the food on Ellie’s nightstand, and the chair beside her bed. She sat, putting her elbows on her thighs.
“You know Daddy wouldn’t have wanted you to hit him, right?” She asked, trying to be soothing.
Ellie shrugged, shifted in her bed, then nodded.
“I don’t want you to, either,” she continued. “It will always be my job to watch out for us. I don’t want it to ever be yours.”
Slowly, Ellie sat up. She took the plate off the nightstand and put it on her lap. “Why do you have to watch out for yourself?”
Her mother sighed, and rubbed her palms together. “I—” She said, then paused. She looked down, then back up. “I wasn’t always a mother.”
Ellie gave her a look. “Every mother wasn’t always one.”
“No, that’s—” her mother smiled, and let out a laugh. “When I was born, Grandma and Grandpa named me William.”
Ellie chewed her chicken. “That’s not a girl’s name.”
“I wasn’t a girl then.”
Ellie stared blankly.
“I wasn’t a girl, but your daddy loved me so much he used his magic to help me become one.”
“He had magic?” Ellie looked awed.
“Sometimes, in his own way.”
“I miss him.”
Her mother hesitated, rubbing her ring finger. “Yeah,” she finally said, meeting Ellie’s eyes. “I do too, kiddo.”
“Where are Grandma and Grandpa?”
Her mother’s smile slowly faded. “Probably off on an adventure. Maybe you’ll see them someday.”
Ellie looked down at her plate. “Okay,” she said, nonchalantly.
“Okay.”
They were silent. Ellie ate.
“Well, tomorrow we’ll talk more about what happened at school,” her mother said. “But for tonight – I just want you to know I love you. I have enough fight for both of us.”
“Yeah,” Ellie said, preoccupied with her rice. She put a scoop in her mouth. “Love you too.”
Her mother stood, picked up the chair, and dimmed Ellie’s Lamp. “Finish your food, Baby Blue. I’ll get the plate after you’re asleep.” Then she left, closing the door but making sure to leave a small crack of light. She always liked when her mom did that.
Darren’s last voicemail was only 10 seconds long. “Hey.. I’ll be working late tonight with a new client talk to you later loveyoubye”. June often tried to delete it and move on. She had yet to succeed. She played it one more time before putting her phone on the charger and wiping her eyes. At least the kitchen was finally clean, she thought. All the dishes were put away except for Ellie’s.
Rain was still slapping against the window, and there had been a flash flood warning on TV. But there wasn’t any thunder to wake Ellie. Thank God. Girl becomes inconsolable. Christ, she thought. What am I going to do with her? She loved her. Goddamn, she loved her. But Christ. Darren would know what to do. He’d say his magic words; they could calm a hurricane. He’d know how to handle her suspension.
June wiped condensation off the window and crouched beside her plants. Darren had suggested pressing Baby Blue into a scrapbook once it died. She had always wanted to bury it outside, where a few more bluebonnets could sprout if she was lucky. Now, she thought about bringing Ellie and burying it with him. Maybe plant it with the life it had left. But for now she knew what she wanted to do with it.
June saw that Ellie had closed her door after their conversation. Slowly, silently, June opened it. Ellie was gently snoring, her back turned towards the door frame. The lamp was off, replaced by a blue night light across from her bed. Her empty plate was on the bedside table. She crept in, picked it up, and put Baby Blue in its place. Then she left, closing Ellie’s door for the night.
Bianca Matthews is a trans author that currently resides in Missouri, but will always be a Texan at heart. Her publishing credits include 365Tomorrows and Saving Daylight Magazine.
